The Last One Worked So Well

ELIZA takes on Hamlet.....

You: What's the news?
Eliza: Please go on.
You: Let me question more in particular: what have you, my good friends, deserved at the hands of fortune, that she sends you to prison hither?
Eliza: Why do you say your good friends deserved at the hands of fortune that she sends i to prison hither?
You: Denmark's a prison.
Eliza: Please go on.
You: A goodly one; in which there are many confines, wards and dungeons, Denmark being one o' the worst.
Eliza: Would you like it if they were not many confines wards and dungeons, denmark being one o the worst?
You: there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so: to me it is a prison
Eliza: Can you elaborate on that?
You: O God, I could be bounded in a nut shell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams.
Eliza: Do you dream often?
You: Is't possible?
Eliza: Please go on.
You: It is not very strange; for mine uncle is king of Denmark.
Eliza: Please go on.
You: 'Sblood, there is something in this more than natural, if philosophy could find it out.
Eliza: Do you wish that philosophy could find it out?
You: My uncle-father and aunt-mother are deceived.
Eliza: Why do you say your unclefather and auntmother are deceived?
You: I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw.
Eliza: How long have you been but mad northnorthwest, and when the wind is southerly you know a hawk from a handsaw?
You: Hark you, here comes Polonius.